more on "honor killing"

Well it seems as though I have been again at the start of something I had no chance of keeping up with. A statement that is gong to keep very few people coming back from this point on if I do not make some commitment to keep up with the blog more often then once every two months. I was/am glad that anyone had anything to say about what I has written last time concerning “honor killings” But I have to both agree that “honor killings” do pre date Islam as a religion but do not stop when it starts, in fact through out the history of Islamic nations particularly those in the Middle East they still continue and often the Koran is sited for the reason they’re necessary. A mis-guided and false use of the religion perhaps but traditional and on going all the same. And no matter what any Islamic scholar wants to say about this whole insanity the fact remains the same now as it did in pre-Islamic days, that it is ALWAYS the wife, daughter, sister or some woman in the family that is killed. Not the brother that raped her which, yes happens it seems often, it is not the boy friend or other male family member that got her pregnant that is killed, the stain on the “family honor” that needs to be cleansed with blood needs to be done with the woman’s life ending in violence and public announcement of the act.
I am a Baptized Catholic and know all too well the death that sits at the door of my church, know all too well the harm it has done in the name of family and “honor” And God as he is expressed in our belief system. I know all the Hitler’s and Serbian Slobodan Milosevic's who have used the Christian “faith” or belief system to excuse their actions but their insane too.
I believe in God, I believe that there is one God, I do not believe, that my one God is very likely to be different then the one God that you believe in. And that if you or anyone for that matter feels the need to kill anyone in the name of or for the sake of God. Their not only delusional but dangerous to the world at large and need to be given a serious time out some where far, far away from the rest of us.
I also think that in the year 2007 if any one believes that actually killing a young girl with rocks is in any way definable, defensible, or that I or any one else on the planet should understand it? And go, … “ oh that is just a cultural thing” And not judge that action harshly, try to do our best to put a stop to it forever, is insane and just as dangerous as the fucker who threw the first stone and his crazy brother or her uncle who just stood there and watched. We have to got to stop killing women now. We have to stop killing in general but men who think it is OK to kill women because they’re different or represent something that only men can define for them/women has got to stop and now. If it cannot then the world will not ever come to any peace at all.

It is almost 2008 and I wish I had some thing better to say about how I see the world today, I wish I had some grand idea that things have gotten better in general other then we have nicer cars to drive, China is getting richer and Mexico has more phones in every home, the Thais seem to have a greater access to the web and Peru is reporting less child deaths this year then last. I suppose on a grand scale things are always getting better, the fact that we’re all still here.
Well those of us who are anyway!
Must mean something I guess.

I have a new child who was born in this year and that is a good thing though I doubt it is going to do much for the other 30, 000 that died today most of them in a less then grandiose or warm ways. Most of them starving or being killed in some war torn country that seems never on the verge of any thing different.

Well that is enough, I have been told over and over that too much writing is too much to read and no one wants that.. So for now good night, I promise to write more often and I do know as jaded as I am. That everything in the world today is just as it is supposed to be and that I am not in control of any of it And that people, places and things will always let me down. but God as I understand him never will. So I hope you’re merry and bright this day and your family is well.
Good Night

hip flask at church service on Tuesday

Well it has been two days two long since I had the time to re-post and given that I am trying to develop some kind of a following that is too long.




I have been stuck between two worlds of late. It is the worst possible place for a person like me to have to live, yet I do it from time to time. I never wish to entertain my wanderlust or dream states. Nor do I wish to be too overly pragmatic either. I think a healthy of dose of both is a good thing and that balance should rule the way and the day for that matter. I have had a real problem with searching for God and at the same time have been full of disdain with the "Atheists" In my life as well. Their self serving manifest destiny and humanism "Uber Alles" mentality that they scream unyielding that "God" has no compassion or how could the woes of the world exist is insanity and purely, again self serving. "God" owes no man anything other then his existence if you will. On the other hand the fact is that I cannot abide any kind of religiosity either.







There is of course some good out there, for one Jainism or what is known as "मोरे इत Or Jain Dharma is one of the oldest religions in the world, was Gandhi's teacher in the way of pacifism that lead to such great change in India as well. But it is a mistake to think that though he himself was a pacifist that it was a peaceful world changing event, the conflict between Pakistan and India and the ongoing killing has never stopped since the English were forced out and he himself was killed and all a product of one form or another religiosity.







But Back again to the fact that I personally cannot live without the idea that there is something, greater then man or woman him/herself at work in the universe. I also think this is a basic human want and need. Is it good? Or helpful? I do not know, but one thing in my life is for sure, if there is a God then I am not it. That I cannot and do not run the show, not only in my day to day life, but even and perhaps more to the point in the protracted future dream of, ... I wish I had a life that I always seem to want and it is just .......... another day of harder work, more money, meeting the right people, being in the right place, getting that great break, OH! GOD! OH! GOD! When will it all happen as I want it to what are you doing about it and what do I need to do next to make sure you make it so?







My belief is NOTHING! I need to do nothing other then?







That in fact I can do the next right thing as is dictated by my own and my family's morals is a miracle that was not possible for me only a few years ago. That I can help as many other people in the world as is possible and not deny my own children their love. That I can be good honest and hopeful, loving kind and of service to others. But I cannot do it alone and I cannot do it with will power. So if things, good things do happen who then is to say what is cause and effect and what is perhaps a God of my own understanding that I can even talk about and share and therefor listen to you share about yours. Given your not trying to kill me for not believing in yours and it's rules or die to begin with.




That there are those who claim there is no evidence to prove a God could be, that there are no miracle's or that all things only happen for "mans" reason of rules and guides, and that perhaps we may not know now what those all are, but that we will, is their guiding mantra for science to avail it's self the real new godhead and only reason can be truth.




I heard such a man talk the other day. And he shook me a bit. He was not hateful or too full of judgement, spoke truthfully as well. Commented on somethings I believe as well about Religion in general.

Which is that there are some that are simply better and more progressive then others, that there are some based on ideas so archaic and wrong that we as a global population need to say so to those practicing them and tell them to catch up to the rest of the world. ?But who am I to say?


Tibetan Monks are in fact sexist perhaps not evil for being so, and much kinder then lets say Catholics, but none the less they too like to keep their women at a state of only being able to be nuns and nothing more. Denying them many things then men have access to. And what the hell is this bullshit called "Honor Killing" That is just insanity. Nor do I like or dislike Islam but from what I have read of the Koran/Qur`an. The Book is mythological to a extreme matched only by the Bible and even more full of separatist hate and violence based actions that get you into heven then any other text of it's kind that I can think of, and to call it a work of love seems absurd.





There are extreme rules in a wide variety of texts and versions of many different religion's and in fact allmost all the fundamentalists are a danger to us all in my opinion. But to say with some liberal ass kiss that they are all equal and just in their own way, is just bullshit and worse harmful and untrue to a even worse extreme.

पोक्केत sized book 3

The Jana 6 was brought up this afternoon. Having heard only a little about them I had to do some research to find out what I could and then go from there. In the end the only thing I could say about the whole deal is that it is sad all the way around.



Stupid white boys pulling the tail of a tiger with little or no understanding of the level of hate they perpetrated, or so they say. Angry black youth abused and pushed too far yet again and all we have left is violence and what seems like only more violence to come. The young white man who was beaten I cannot even tell if he had a part in the noose bullshit or not. Or perhaps was a part of an earlier fight between whites and blacks that went the other way for the white kids with them not being charged at all in the same degree as the black boys would be.



Sad too that is just what they were no matter what color. The white ones and the black all just boys or barely older. But the black ones were charged with attempted murder, and attempted murder with a deadly weapon even though there seems not have been one at all.



What they have in common though is the same things. Anger, confusion and bitterness over the color of each others skin and perhaps the real or perceived privilege or then again lack of privilege that go with it. They have age and hate in common, they have history in common and they have the willingness to be self righteous and contentious about the whole thing.



It is like some psycho little league game where the kids use the bats on each other while cheered on by the parents and fans until everyone is dead except the real hate mongers who will just find another neighborhood team to play for them next time.



Meanwhile we all debate.



You all break my heart. I used to say this is what made me drink and hate you all



But at least I used to say it that way, … I hated you all equally was a afraid of you all equally and wanted nothing to do with you all ever.



But don’t let any of those lines fool you. I was a angry violent young, then not so young then a thirty something white man and a dangerous person you would have never wanted to be around. Unless you were just like me. But things can change. I can change. Men can change and when we do then our boys can change too. And that is all I have now, really. The hope that my boys will never be like I was at all.

It seems now. I have signed on fully. Requested the aid and help of someone who has been writing in this format for some time and has readers or commentator’s I am not sure which to call a person even my self who would respond to this or to any other blog for that matter.

But as I said earlier it all starts with a word and so it goes.

Today was a good as any a person can have. Not too much to do. People to talk to and yet not too much to say. Which in my case is mostly a good thing.

I find that there is a great peace of mind that comes when people talk to me rather then when I have to talk to them. I tend to so over think my own self that I can do it while talking sincerely about something I may even know a bit about to someone else and then somewhere along the line have to stop for a second and catch my thoughts up to my mouth and apologize for drifting off and start over.

Someone said today that he was gifted with “charm” Perhaps cursed is more how I feel about it. Not him but me. Either that or the kind looks I get and the smiles are all to cover over the fact that the people I am talking to have no idea what I am on about.

And I don’t think so.

If none of this makes sense now, well mores the point really. If it does to you, then you understand that the idea that [I] you, could have a very real and good thing to share with some one is not so far fetched. But can you do it with the grace to just give it away. Not want anything in return, and most important not worry about doing it while you are.

The point of all this is.
I said something to a group of people today and one, only one asked me if I would come and talk to them more about what it was that I said. At a later time of course and in the privacy of their home. To which I of course said yes. But then if you refer back to the top of this page you will now, if not earlier realize what I am/was talking about the whole time.

So pray for me that the person has so many questions to ask that I am left only to answer briefly and then I think all will be as well as I can hope for.

And all I wanted to say was
Share what you can sparing no expense when you can . But let economy be your guide.

Again for today the world so far is perfect and that has nothing to do with me. So I think I will just sit back and enjoy the rest of it.

The hip pocket sized book

He's how it started. I'd never said a word. Not one word.
But.
"When you're in, you're in.

And so it goes now. A lot of things have changed in the past six years.
I have seen the inside of crazy as well as the calm and serenity of a daily reprieve from my own form of madness. This is the best way I think I can do the writing about it that need be done.
After the first three years of things being O.K. I had arrive a point of needed change which came in the form of all together stopping a medication I had been taking for the first part of the previous six years I just mentioned. Which led to a gun in the mouth and horrible fear and remorse, which at it's core, and only through looking back now can I see was total self centered loathing, fear and mental illness which when combined made me a mad man again.

I recovered which is all that need be said. Other then, anyone that reads this and takes meds may know what I am talking about if they too are Bi-polar or some such other popular style of head case. I joke perhaps too lightly but refuse to confuse two distinct issue's. One I am a drunk. Two I am a drunk with Bi-polar. I have a way in which I treat my alcoholism and one in which I treat my Bi-polar and never the twain shall meet.

So for those of you who will recognize this for what it is, so be it, for those of you if any that read it and come away with anything of your own interpretation that is all as well too.There will be no names that can matter to anyone so do not guess that you will know this person or that. Or that you will find some secret about a person that you may think you have met or may have known in the past. In fact the people I will mention will have names and they will be real enough people in fact but I will not break with my one rule concerning people which it that all shall remain anonymous.

I will try to have several other rules for myself as well. Another one being that I will state now and restate through out the time that I write this, that these “thoughts” or “opinion’s are only my own and not that of a group of which I consider myself a member. Having gained the right to say so through countless years of demonstrating to the world at large and myself that in fact I am. And the only requirement that this groups has is a willingness to change some things and show up for ourselves one day at a time.

I am a member with all that comes with it. Loss sorrow and freedom. Joy remorse guilt. Judgment atonement and constant never ending selfishness self-centeredness and a attitude of I don’t think that to be the case at all and you are in fact the problem but if you just did what I wanted things would be fine forever and without change. There has been great shame at times in reaching the room were there has been a chair waiting for me all along. There was also some good grace and forgiveness that came along with sitting in it for the first time and none have these things have changed today or since I first got here. Which is odd and in a way what this journey is all about.

Some truths that I believe are that nothing ever stays the same, there is no “it will always be like this. Or “This is never going to get better” It is just a matter of physical impossibility that either of those past two statements could be true. In fact things as I understand them, meaning the physical world are in constant change, nothing remains the same forever, maybe for long periods of time it may, but not forever. So these feelings are not facts and that is therefore a truth.

But I do have feelings there is no doubt about that large monstrous gnawing and often very frightening feelings. Often too I have no idea how to deal with them or what to do with them even if I do think I have some clue as to how to act as far as they are concerned. So I do nothing? Yes as often as I can I simply do nothing at all at least until I can talk to another member of my group another fellow or fellah as the case may be. But I am a man of impulsive behavior and not always are my impulse’s even near good one’s frequently there are a bad idea gone wrong waiting for an offense to happen. I will of course act on many of them. Which too is what all this will be about. But I hope to make this as much about what goes wrong with me on a daily basis as what I have that helps me to correct, relearn how to act and then through continuous correct actions change the way I behave in all. There is no end to this. There is no arrival at Nirvana. No cure for what I have, simply put there is a way to change over the course of my life time that remains into the person I may have always been all along but just tried to kill so many times has retreated into the shadows of what I am now and needs light and honesty to be rediscovered anew.